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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671190">Once In A Blue Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine'>Tommykaine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#ReclaimHogwarts2020, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Cissexism, Coming Out, Discussion of Anti-Muggle Sentiment, F/M, Father Figures, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, No Incest, POV Draco Malfoy, Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Slice of Life, Trans Female Character, Trans!Scorpius, referenced fantastic racism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Astoria died, Scorpius has grown distant from his father and seems obsessed about studies that go beyond what a fourth year Hogwarts student should be preparing on.<br/>Worried that his son might be searching for a way to bring his mother back, Draco decides to confront him and convince him to desist for his own sake.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy &amp; Scorpius Malfoy, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Together Bingo 2020, Reclaim Hogwarts - a Trans-positive initiative</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Once In A Blue Moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenkingdom/gifts">frozenkingdom</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you've read the tags, you pretty much know what to expect.</p><p>This was written for the <a href="https://reclaimhogwarts.tumblr.com/">Reclaim Hogwarts 2020</a> initiative, which is about creating trans-positive works to disassociate from JK Rowling's transphobia and show that the fandom is a welcoming place for all people, including trans people.</p><p> </p><p>This also participates to the Banned Together Bingo using the fill "Normalizes Trans* Lives"</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Draco didn’t know what to make of Scorpius’s behaviour.</p><p>He had not been the same since his mother died. He was more distant and quieter and often kept to himself, which was not a surprise given how he’d always been so attached to her, but it still hurt nonetheless.</p><p>When Astoria got sick, Draco promised he would take good care of him for her, that he would do his best to always be there for him and never let him feel lonely.</p><p>Still, as much as he wanted to keep his promise, it was hard to do so when Scorpius himself didn’t seem to want to be around him anymore. Most of the time he just holed himself up in his room, probably reading or listening to music or writing to his friend Albus.</p><p>It was weird to think that his son’s best friend was the child of his old nemesis, but after all things had changed a lot since then. <em>He</em> had changed a lot since then. The tense reunion with his father and mother at the funeral was testament to that.</p><p>He had almost snapped at his father when he mentioned that he and Draco’s mother would gladly have kept Scorpius with them for a while if he needed some time to sort things out. He knew the offer had been out of kindness but he also knew of how much they disapproved of the way he and Astoria had raised Scorpius, and had no doubt they would take the chance to try and instill the same kind of prejudice in him that Draco himself used to blindly believe in until he was confronted with the fact that it had all been nothing but baseless bigotry and intolerance.</p><p>He was glad that Scorpius never grew up like that, that he had no qualms about befriending someone like Albus, that he wasn’t like him when he’d been his age.</p><p>Scorpius had always been so kind and had a big heart, just like his mother. He knew he was loved and he didn’t feel the need to constantly prove himself to Draco the way Draco had always felt he always had to prove himself to his father. That was something he never wanted Scorpius to experience.</p><p>Draco still loved his father but that constant pressure, coupled with their later disagreement on politics and blood purity, was something that drove a wedge between them. Sometimes he couldn’t help but feel resentful towards him, for that and for everything he made he and his mother go through when he decided to join Voldemort and then again to do the same years later and push them into that dangerous situation, almost causing their family to break apart because of it.</p><p>He never wanted Scorpius to feel like that. To feel scared of him, or because of him, to feel forced to act in a certain way so that he would be proud of him and acknowledge him. He wanted him to know he loved him no matter what. He wanted him to know that he would support him and love him unconditionally.</p><p>Still, it was hard when Scorpius himself had been shutting himself off and keeping himself so distant. Draco didn’t know what to do, but he knew he had to do something.</p><p> </p><p>Lately, Scorpius had been requesting him to provide him with a lot of books on Transfiguration and spells, books that were too advanced for his age. He was only in his fourth year, after all.</p><p>Draco didn’t know what he was studying so obsessively, but he was concerned, and for good reasons.</p><p>After Astoria died, he had stopped dabbling in Alchemy for a while, before going back to his hobby with a renewed passion. He had researched obsessively about ways to bring a loved one back to life, even if anything he read pointed to the fact that any attempt tried so far had disastrous consequences.</p><p>He had stopped when he realized that, if he went down that path, Scorpius would risk to lose him too. It was too dangerous. As much as he loved Astoria, he had a responsibility towards her and their child.</p><p>Now, he worried that Scorpius might have gotten the idea of trying something drastic.</p><p>He knew he needed to talk to him about it. He needed to breach the subject and try to make Scorpius understand that there were some things one could never change, no matter how much it hurt.</p><p>So, one of those days, when he went to bring one of those books into Scorpius’s room, instead of leaving him to it he sat down on his bed and waited for his son to acknowledge his presence. However, Scorpius just sat down at his desk and went straight to reading, as if he didn’t want to talk to him.</p><p>“Scorpius.” he said, and the way his son cringed a little as he turned towards him hurt, but he wasn’t going to let himself be discouraged. “It’s been a while since you went out. I’m glad you’re studying so seriously, but you should take a break sometimes. I’m sure it would be good for you to do something else for a change.”</p><p>Scorpius didn’t answer, but Draco could tell from his expression that he wasn’t convinced.</p><p>“There’s a Quidditch match next week, the Holyhead Harpies are playing against the Puddlemere United. Maybe you could invite your friend Albus?”</p><p>“I don’t really feel like going.” Scorpius replied, tersely. “Sorry.” he then added, before turning back to his book.</p><p>Draco sighed. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But he had to try.</p><p>“You’re always so distant now. It’s like you’re a different person.” he said, and he didn’t fail to notice the way Scorpius tensed at those words. “I know you miss your mother, but you know I’m here for you, right? You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Scorpius replied, but his tone was hesitant and had a sad note to it. It made Draco’s heart clench.</p><p>“What is it that you don’t want to tell me?”</p><p>“It’s- there’s nothing, I just… there’s nothing to talk about.”</p><p>Draco sighed again. He could tell Scorpius was lying. He also could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, but he needed to know, and he needed him to know that, whatever he was trying to do, it would not bring his mother back.</p><p>“All these books, all this… research you’re doing. I know it’s not just for school. And I… I admire the fact that you are so interested and eager to learn but there’s some things that are just… it’s just best not to mess with them.”</p><p>Scorpius tensed up even more, which made Draco’s worries grow. He knew what he was trying to tell him, didn’t he?</p><p>He hesitated before continuing, but he had to. He had to make him understand.</p><p>“I miss her too. It’s not fair that she’s gone. I hate that no matter how hard I tried, how many Healers we’ve consulted, no one could do anything to keep her here. And I’ve… you know, I’ve thought about finding a way to get her back. About how there must be a way, no matter how high the cost, to bring her back to us. But… it’s not going to work. Even if there was a way, it would be too dangerous. I couldn’t risk losing you too, or to have you lose me and be left alone. You understand? She wouldn’t want to come back if that meant one of us had to be harmed, if it meant that anyone else had to be harmed. It… it doesn’t mean you don’t love her if you have to let her go, it just… it’s just how life is. It’s unfair. But it would be far, far more unfair for you to put yourself at risk knowing she wanted for us to be happy. She wanted me to take care of you for her, she wanted you to keep living and loving her in your heart, and in a way she will always be with us. So… no matter how much it hurts, we shouldn’t try to change the past.”</p><p>Draco’s voice was cracking and his eyes were wet, but he did his best to sound firm. To let Scorpius know how serious he was.</p><p>There was just silence for a while, although Draco could hear that his son’s breathing had changed. Finally, he heard him speak, very softly but clearly.</p><p>“It’s not… it’s not about her.” Scorpius said, still not looking at him. He was still holding his book but his hands were clenching on it and he hadn’t been turning its pages since Draco had started talking. “It’s…” he sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve. “Never mind”.</p><p>Draco was surprised by the answer. He had been so sure of his theory that now he didn’t know what to think. He was relieved, but at the same time he was still concerned. Whatever it was, it was clear that it was weighting on Scorpius’s mind.</p><p>“What is it?” he insisted, keeping his tone calm and firm. He did his best to sound reassuring but he was worried of what else it could be about. He had no idea of what it could be, but it was obviously serious enough to cause distress.</p><p>Scorpius shook his head, glancing at him with a sad look that hit straight to Draco’s heart. He had never seen him look so dejected, not since his mother died.</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand.” the boy simply said, before turning back and pretending to read. But Draco could see his shoulders shaking, as if he was about to cry.</p><p>Standing up from the bed, Draco walked up to him and placed one hand on his back, gently stroking it.</p><p>“Scorpius, whatever it is, I’m sure I can help. Alright? Please, let me help.”</p><p>The boy kept shaking his head and he covered his face with his hands, silently sobbing on his desk.</p><p>Draco didn’t know what to say or do. He hated to see him like that and was sure it was humiliating for him too, but he didn’t want to leave him there like that.</p><p>“Scorpius…”</p><p>“Stop, stop that!” his son snapped, slamming one hand on his desk. “Stop calling me ‘Scorpius’!”</p><p>That sudden outburst caught Draco off-guard. He didn’t understand why that would make him lose his temper like that.</p><p>“Why?” he asked, confused. He still kept on stroking his son’s back, hoping he would open up to him.</p><p>Scorpius let out a trembling sigh, clenching the hand that now rested on his desk.</p><p>“That’s not… that’s not me.” he replied in a trembling voice. “It’s not me.”</p><p>“What do you mean, ‘it’s not you’? Who else would it be?”</p><p>Scorpius let out a small groan.</p><p>“It’s- it’s nothing, just… leave me alone. It’s not important. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Draco knew he should have respected that, but he didn’t want to go. Not when he finally was getting close to getting some answers.</p><p>“It <em>is</em> important, or you wouldn’t be so upset.” he replied. He tried to make sense of it, somehow, but he couldn’t put the pieces together. “Is… did something happen at school? Or with your friend…?”</p><p>“It’s nothing!” Scorpius yelled, jerking away from him and glaring at him with tear-filled eyes. “I’m nothing! It doesn’t… it doesn’t concern you! It’s useless anyway!”</p><p>The boy threw the book across the room, slamming it against the wall.</p><p>“Rose was right. I am stupid and a fool. I could read a million books and it would never… I would never find a way to…”</p><p>He choked up again and got up from his chair, walking away from Draco and rubbing his face with his hands.</p><p>“I’m just a… I never wanted this. I just wanted to be normal. But I… I hate it, I hate this.” he turned to his full-length mirror and glared, before hitting it with a punch.</p><p>“Scorpius!”</p><p>Draco ran to him, pulling him away from the shattered mirror and grasping on his wrist to examine the damage. He had cut himself on the glass, but thankfully there were no shards in the wound. Taking out his wand, he healed it, then pushed his son towards the bed and made him sit on its edge before sitting down next to him.</p><p>“I hate it.” Scorpius kept on repeating in a small voice, sobbing and looking so small and defenseless, like he’d turned back into a small child. “I hate it, I hate it!”</p><p>“Calm down.” Draco told him, putting one of his arms around his shoulders to try and calm him down. “What is it that you hate, S- ?”. He barely stopped himself before calling out his name, remembering his reaction from before.</p><p>“Everything! I hate everything!” Scorpius replied, sounding incredibly frustrated. “I-I hate… my face a-and my hands and… m-my voice and… and… I hate that name and-” he cut himself off and sniffled. “I-I hate t-that I’m so d-different and… and it’s like e-everyone can tell…”</p><p>Draco was surprised to hear that. He didn’t understand why Scorpius would hate himself so much. Was it about his family, about Draco’s past? Did he get teased because of his father’s mistakes? Did he want to distance himself from him that badly?</p><p>“If someone at school is giving you a hard time-”</p><p>“It’s not that, it’s not that!”. Scorpius shook his head and sniffled even louder. Draco took out his wand again and produced a handkerchief, handing it to him and watching as he blew his nose. “I… it’s not… I mean it’s not great but, it’s not like anyone is doing anything bad. They just… I’m just not the person they think I am.”</p><p>“Because they think you’re a Dark Wizard?” Draco tried, but Scorpius shook his head again.</p><p>“They don’t… that’s just stupid rumours. I don’t care. But… <em>this</em> – ” and he gestured towards his whole body. “ – this is not me.”</p><p>Draco scoffed.</p><p>“What do you mean ‘it’s not you’, of course it is.” He replied, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little at that absurd statement. “Who else would it be?”</p><p>Clearly it wasn’t the right thing to say. Scorpius looked down and slouched his shoulders, sighing heavily.</p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t understand…”</p><p>Draco silently cursed himself.</p><p>“Then explain it.”</p><p>Scorpius shook his head.</p><p>“You would think I’m crazy.” he grumbled. “You’d sent me to St. Mungo or… or you’d send me to my grandparents.”</p><p>“I’d never do such a thing.” Draco firmly said, but he could tell Scorpius wasn’t convinced. “Scorpius, I swear on your mother’s grave, I would never send you to St. Mungo and much less to go live with your grandparents.” his tone was serious, and surely his son would know he wouldn’t say such a thing lightly. “Please, tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>Scorpius didn’t say anything for a while, looking like he was struggling to find the words.</p><p>Finally, after a long while he quietly muttered: “I’m not a wizard”.</p><p>Draco looked at him in confusion, forcing himself not to react to that nonsensical statement. He was absolutely sure that wasn’t true, or for starters he never would have gotten the invitation letter to attend Hogwarts.</p><p>“If you weren’t a wizard, I’m pretty sure we would have found out as soon as you got your wand.” he tried to reason.</p><p>Scorpius groaned and rubbed his eyes with his palms.</p><p>“I- I don’t mean… I mean I’m not…”. He took a deep breath. “I’m not…”. He lowered his voice even more. “…a boy.”</p><p>That statement confused Draco even more.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if you weren’t. You know, I used to change your diapers too.”</p><p>“Ugh, dad!”. Scorpius side-eyed him. “I know I… that is the entire problem. I don’t want to be a boy.”</p><p>Draco stared at him, still confused, but somehow he felt like maybe something was starting to click.</p><p>“You don’t want to be a boy?”</p><p>Scorpius shook his head once again.</p><p>“I’ve… I…”. He bit on his thumb. “Remember when I… when I used to play with mom’s clothes?”</p><p>“Yeah?”. Draco remembered that he used to do that quite a bit when he was younger. Astoria thought that was adorable, he was sure she had taken a few pictures of it too. They probably still had them in one of his albums.</p><p>“And… you remember how grandpa got angry about it?”</p><p>Draco remembered that too. His father had been absolutely furious and told him it was unacceptable behaviour, that he should not be encouraging his son to do something so undignified. Draco had told him to mind his own business, but he remembered Scorpius had been hurt by that and never did it again after that.</p><p>“I… I actually still… I still did that.” Scorpius continued. “I still do.”</p><p>“Oh.” Draco didn’t know how to react to that. He would be lying if he said that wasn’t weird. It was one thing to play around as a child, but for someone of Scorpius’s age to fool around like that, it was… well, it was not exactly normal. “So you… you like to dress like a witch?”</p><p>Scorpius sighed. “No… yes. But no, it’s not… I don’t like it, it’s… I feel, it feels right when I do it. I look… I don’t hate how I look as much when I do it. And I’ve…”. He bit on his thumb again, looking away. “I’ve… gone out like that. With Albus. He… he knows.”</p><p>Draco wasn’t exactly sure of how to process that information.</p><p>“You’ve gone out dressed like a witch. With Albus.” he stated, the cogs now turning furiously in his head. “So you… you and Albus are…”.</p><p>“It’s not like that!” Scorpius immediately replied, a little too hastily for Draco to believe it. “I mean he’s… he’s my friend. He just, he wanted to be sure I was safe. I… I know he doesn’t feel like that. He knows what I am, of course he wouldn’t… but he is nice to me, he doesn’t treat me like I’m weird.” His tone was starting to sound sad again. “I just… I don’t want you to think I’m a freak. I know I can’t be like that. I know, but I… I can’t stand to be like this. I hate when people see me as a boy. I hate that I can’t be with girls and be their friend and… and be the same as them. I hate that my body is like this. I hate… I hate that my voice is changing… I hate to hear myself speak. And I know, I know it’s not right and… I-I don’t want you to feel disgusted.”</p><p>Draco took a deep breath, then he pulled him in closer, even if Scorpius stiffened as he hugged him.</p><p>“I’m not disgusted. And I’m not sending you anywhere, not to St. Mungo not to your grandparents, or anywhere. Alright? You’re my… I’m your father, I don’t care what you are, I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>His son started shaking, then he sobbed, grasping on his shoulders and burying his face against his chest. Draco stroked his back and his hair, feeling relieved now that he knew what was on Scorpius’s mind, yet at the same time he was worried. He didn’t think his son was a freak, but he knew others would. He knew his father would yell at him once he found out, that he would say it was his fault for being ‘too soft’ with him, that it was the kind of degeneracy that only Muggles could come up with, but it didn’t matter. He had promised Astoria he would stay by Scorpius’s side, no matter what. And he would do it, even if his son no longer wanted to be “Scorpius”.</p><p>“Look, I don’t know… I have no idea of how this sort of thing works. I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know to what extent… I mean, there has to be a way, right? Even if it’s not perfect, even if you won’t be… like a normal witch. I don’t know, but you won’t be alone, alright?” Draco awkwardly tried to explain, to which his child only cried louder.</p><p>He kept on holding on to Scorpius until the sobbing stopped, before letting go and watching as his child wiped off the tears with the now-damp handkerchief.</p><p>“So, how do you… what does Albus call you?” he asked, still feeling incredibly awkward and a bit uncomfortable. He supposed it would take a while before he stopped feeling weird about it.</p><p>“S-Selene.” came the answer. “I’m… my friends call me Selene”.</p><p>“Selene.” Draco repeated. “Alright.” He couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt, somehow, as if the rejection of the name he had chosen with his wife was a rejection of him too. It didn’t sound natural, he still couldn’t help but think of his child as ‘Scorpius’, as his son, but maybe it would get easier with time.</p><p>“So, would ‘Selene’ still not feel like coming to the Quidditch match?” he asked, smiling.</p><p>His child looked up at him, blinking a few times.</p><p>“You mean… like… dressing like myself?”</p><p>Draco couldn’t help but cringe inwardly, imagining the looks he would get. Aside from the fact that everyone knew them and he would be recognized, the resemblance alone would make it clear as to who the child with him was. But he had promised, and he was going to take care of his family regardless of what anyone else said, including his father.</p><p>So instead he kept smiling and got up from the bed.</p><p>“You know what? We’re going to visit Madam Malkin's today. You’re going to need a lot of new clothes, right?”</p><p>His child smiled too, sniffling and nodding.</p><p>And, in that moment, Draco didn’t care about how hard it was going to be. It would be alright, as long as he could keep seeing that smile and that hope in those grey eyes. As long as he knew he wouldn’t be the one to fill them with tears again.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want to follow me on twitter you can find me with the username <a href="https://twitter.com/Tommykaine91">Tommykaine91</a></p><p>This story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">LLF Comment Project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><p>Feedback</p><ul>
<li>Short comments</li>
<li>Long comments</li>
<li>Questions</li>
<li>Constructive criticism</li>
<li>“&lt;3” as extra kudos</li>
<li>Reader-reader interaction</li>
</ul><p>I normally reply to all comments so if you do not wish for your comment to be replied to for any reason, please add "hush" somewhere in it and I will quietly appreciate it instead.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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